


The Blue Pill

by xXdreameaterXx



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Viagra, crack!smut, well it's first crack and then smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 13:12:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3489515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdreameaterXx/pseuds/xXdreameaterXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara knows that there is a big difference between "the pill from the blue box" and "the blue pill" and the Doctor is about to find out the hard way (pun intended). The Doctor accidentally takes Viagra and the situation quickly changes from hilarious to sexy. Crack!Smut. Twelve/Clara. Whouffaldi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Blue Pill

**The Blue Pill**

“Doctor, please, just take a pain pill already,” Clara groaned and let her head fall onto the kitchen table, “I want to travel some place really awesome, not listen to you complain about your headache, cause it's giving me one, too.”  
“Aspirin can be fatal for Time Lords, Clara. I'd rather have a headache than die,” he replied and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
“We picked up the kind you can take at the space market, remember? Please, I can't keep staring at your _pain face_.”  
“Pain face?” he raised an eyebrow.  
“Just. . . do as I say. Pain meds are in the bathroom cupboard.”  
“Fine, but if there are unpredictable side effects, I'm blaming _you_ ,” he waved a finger and wandered off into the bathroom.  
“They're in the blue box,” Clara called after him and got up from the chair as well to prepare a coffee to help him finally get rid of his headache.

“I don't feel any difference,” the Doctor announced as he walked back into the kitchen.  
“Well, you'll have to wait a bit. It's a pain pill, not a miracle worker. Here's some coffee, that should help, too.”  
She put the mug down in front of him and walked back to her chair, taking a sip from her own cup of coffee.  
“You humans really aren't the smartest of races, you know? Those candy coloured pain meds are probably very fascinating for children,” the Doctor said and followed Clara's example and sipped the coffee.  
“Candy coloured?” Clara's eyes widened in horror as she recalled the contents of her medicine cupboard. “  
Doctor, what pill did you take, exactly?” she asked cautiously.  
“The blue one, like you told me to. Well, the coffee seems to be helping a little,” he remarked.  
Clara almost let out a horrified sound. She briefly considered telling the Doctor what kind of pill he had just taken, but decided against it. The explanation would be awkward. Very, awkward. But then it began to dawn on her that the situation could become, too. 

****

******OOO** ** **

****

****They finished their coffee in silence, when the Doctor suddenly announced: “I feel much better now. Ready for your adventure?”  
“Uhm, should we really? I mean, what if there are side effects to the meds and you just haven't noticed. . . yet?” Clara blurted out nervously. God forbid they were somewhere on an alien planet and the Viagra kicked in.  
“I don't think there are, Clara. Why are you so weird all of a sudden? You were the one who really wanted to leave and I'm ready. I feel excellent, in fact.”  
_I bet you do_ , Clara thought but she decided to better not say it.  
“I'm just saying. Let me at least make another coffee before we go? We should make sure your headache is really gone before we leave.”  
“Fine,” he said in response, sounding annoyed.  
“Great,” she beamed at him, “One more cup of coffee, coming right up.” 

****

******OOO** ** **

****

****Maybe Clara was panicking for no reason at all. Maybe Viagra had no effect on Time Lords at all. She had managed to keep the Doctor sitting still, drinking coffee for almost an hour now and if nothing had happening during that time, maybe nothing would happen at all?  
“Okay, I'll just grab my purse and then we're good to go,” she said, running off into her bedroom.  
Clara grabbed her handbag and threw a glance at the mirror as she walked by and back into the kitchen, where she found the Doctor still sitting at the table, looking very, very uncomfortable.  
“You ready?” she asked carefully. _Oh-oh, here it comes. Whatever happens, don't laugh_ , Clara thought.  
The Doctor neither moved, nor replied. Instead he gave her an angry stare.  
“Doctor?” she smothered a smile.  
“Clara, I think there might be some. . . side effects,” he replied, seemingly ashamed.  
His face had turned almost scarlet and even though Clara tried very hard to hold it back, laughter escaped her mouth.  
“It's not funny,” he said, still staring angrily at her.  
“Just a little bid,” Clara replied, smiling.  
“You don't even know what it is. So stop it. Now!” he demanded.  
Clara considered telling him the truth for a moment, but decided she could still get some more fun out of it. After all, how often do you encounter a Time Lord with an unexpected boner?  
“You're right. Why don't you tell me what's wrong with you? Maybe I can help?” she asked, oppressing laughter. Okay, she probably hadn't thought the last bit through, “Or maybe you should come over here and sit on the couch until you feel better?”  
The Doctor's stare grew even darker.  
“You're gloating,” he noticed, “Why are you gloating?”  
“I'm not gloating. Why should I? Do I have any reason to gloat?” she asked innocently, “Now come on, sit on the couch with me.”  
“I think I'll stay right here, thank you.”  
Clara smirked at him. “Why? I'm getting this feeling that you're trying to hide something.”  
“And I'm getting the feeling that you know exactly what's gone wrong with your pain medication,” he growled. 

****Clara couldn't hold the laughter back any longer. There was something so hilarious and cute about the Doctor sitting there so stiffly and awkwardly.  
“Yeah, I'm afraid I know. See, I told you to take a _pill from the blue box_ , not _the blue pill_ ,” she finally explained, “And what you're experiencing is not a side effect, but the intended effect.”  
“I see,” he hissed through his teeth, “And you chose not to tell me before because. . .?”  
Clara burst into laughter again. “Because you're a Time Lord. I wasn't sure if it would work at all, because. . . you're you.”  
“I am a Time Lord but the anatomy is very close, with some improvements to that of a human male.”  
“Yeah, but Doctor, those things usually only work if you're already. . . in the mood,” she giggled.  
“Oh,” he uttered, “Well. I guess adventure is off the table for now.”  
“Depends on the kind of adventure you're looking for,” she said before she could stop herself. What was wrong with her? Why did she keep saying such things?  
“Clara, this is no time for jokes. I'm a little. . .”  
“ _Tense_?”  
“Well, how long is this going to last?” the Doctor growled at her.  
Clara mumbled something in reply, which unfortunately the Doctor still heard.  
“4 to 5 hours?” he yelled and for a moment obviously forgot about his little problem because he jumped up from his chair, leaving Clara's view unblocked. Turned out his problem wasn't so little after all.  
“Whoah,” Clara uttered before she could stop herself.  
“What now?” the Doctor asked, still sounding angry.  
Clara forced herself to look him in the eye.  
“Uhm, nothing, it's just. . .,” she spluttered and noticed her eyes slip again, “Nothing. _Impressive nothing_. Dear God, did I just say that?” 

****The sight of the aroused Time Lord stirred something rather unexpected inside her. It wasn't like she had never considered it before, she had just always assumed that he was some sort of asexual being who wasn't remotely interested in sex, especially not with her. But what if he was? Clara knew that even Viagra couldn't just magically make you want something or someone, so he must have at least considered it.  
“Doctor,” she began carefully.  
“Clara,” he replied, crossing his arms in front of his body now and taking a step back, “Don't get any ideas.”  
“Too late,” she said with a smile. She wasn't mocking him any more, this smile was sincere. Cautiously Clara started to take a step in his direction.  
While she made her way up to him she examined him carefully and decided one last time that she liked what she saw. His tall, lean body, the fluffy, grey hair.  
Clara stopped right in front of him and carefully raised her right hand. With a tip of her finger she touched the pale skin of his chest through one of the holes in his jumper.  
“Clara,” she could hear him swallow hard, “This isn't exactly the best timing to be doing that.”  
“No?” she asked innocently, “I think it's the best timing ever.”  
Clara crossed the distance between them and pressed her body against his, slipping one hand beneath the dark shirt. The Doctor felt warmer than usual, almost as warm as a human being. Probably a side effect, Clara thought. The feeling of his erection pressed against her own hips was enticing and arousing. She wanted to kiss him, to feel every inch of his skin, but he was still reluctant.  
A carnal moan escaped his throat as Clara began to move her hips against his. She hadn't even noticed until now that his hands had slipped to her back, holding her exactly where she was.  
“Clara,” he half moaned her name as he bent down to her neck, carefully tracing her skin with his lips.  
“We shouldn't. I should leave,” the Doctor's voice was weak as he spoke and Clara knew he didn't want to leave at all.  
“Then go,” Clara told him, but at the same time grabbed him by the hair and pulled him down to her lips. He kissed her with such a fierceness that he almost missed her mouth at first, his tongue invading her instantly and Clara had a hard time keeping up. His hands had already found a way under her dress, pinching her cheeks slightly as he pushed her backwards until her back hit the kitchen table.  
The Doctor picked her up and effortlessly lifted her to sit on the table when Clara suddenly broke the kiss, gasping for air.  
“Gosh, how long has it been for you?” she asked breathlessly.  
“Centuries,” he replied before cupping her face in his hands and kissing her again. Clara parted her legs to wrap them around him, pulling him closer to herself, her hands trying to remove his jumper.  
Clara giggled as his fingers wandered over her thighs, upwards. He pushed her knickers aside and started tracing her clit with his thumb. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers found their way inside of her, finding her already wet.  
Clara reached for his belt and opened the buckle, freeing his erection that was now pressing hard against the fabric of his trousers. She wrapped her hand around him and heard the Doctor groan impatiently as she started stroking his length.  
“Tell me you want me,” Clara demanded as she positioned his cock right at her entrance. She wanted to feel him inside of her, and she knew he could already sense the heat with the tip of his erection. He was dying to plunge into her, but she needed to hear him say it.  
“I want you, my impossible girl,” he whispered urgently and placed a sloppy kiss over her ear, “I need you.”  
As if the Doctor had mentally heard her asking him to enter, he pushed into her and Clara whimpered at the impact of him. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he held on to her with only one hand, using the other to support himself against the table. He hit deeper every time he thrust into her with Clara answering his rhythm as it grew faster. He moaned into her ear and Clara closed her eyes, giving in to the feeling of sweet pleasure building up inside of her. His hand was holding on to the back of her neck, moving around as if looking for somewhere to firmly hold on to. He covered her ear and the skin of her throat with a few more careless kisses before forgetting about it altogether and giving in to a series of groans.  
Suddenly the Doctor's movements grew slower, his breathing shallow and hot against her skin. Her body was aching for him now, desperately wanting him to increase the speed as she was so close. He plunged into her one last time and with a carnal groan stuck in his throat he stopped and came inside of her.  
Clara panted, trying very hard not to curse at him for coming just a few seconds too soon as he pulled out and the Doctor obviously felt her frustration. He lowered his hand to her clit again and started rubbing against it. She slammed her eyes shut once more and started whimpering again. She gasped as his fingers slipped inside of her and began to grind against his movements until a wave of sweet release washed over her. Clara bit her lip to stop herself of screaming as she came and the Doctor carefully removed his hand and pulled her closer for a kiss.  
“Sorry,” he uttered with an apologetic smile, “I got a little carried away.”  
“It's okay,” Clara replied, still breathless, “We can take it slow the next time.”  
“The next. . .” The Doctor was about to ask when Clara suddenly and with a mischievous smirk grabbed his cock that was still half erect. She felt him react to her touch immediately.  
“Oh, right. 4 to 5 hours,” he seemed to remember only now.  
“Bedroom's this way,” Clara pointed to her right. The Doctor bent down to kiss her again, gentler this time, only just brushing her tongue with his own.  
“Bedroom it is then,” the Doctor replied with a smile and as they made their way out of the kitchen Clara thought to herself that maybe this was exactly the kind of adventure they had needed. 


End file.
